I understand that Alexis painted her skin green because it’s Michelle’s least favorite color, but it’s a pretty long way to go for a punchline. The last time someone was this dedicated to a joke, he got elected president.
Normally I wouldn’t make fun of Alexis Michelle’s body (teeth and occupations are apparently fair game though) but this is ridiculous not to mention. It looks like she went to the catering table and sliced a kiwi in half. Actually, scratch that – even New Zealanders don’t want to be associated with look.
On the bright side, at least Alexis found one good use of her witch hat.
In the grand tradition of Paris Is Burning, the library is open! And in another grand tradition of Paris Is Burning, the stage is full of butch queens first time in drags at a ball.
Let’s start this roast off easy. No, really – Trinity Taylor is easy. The great thing about Trinity is that you can literally read her – each body part has a stamp that says “Made In Taiwan.” Speaking of foreign material – we have Valentina! She’s beautiful, she’s funny, she’s proud of her Mexican heritage. I actually bad for the queen who eliminates her. You need to get a Visa to fuck her!
It’s unfortunate that Shea has been getting this fan reaction recently. It’ll be even worse if it’s true! She expressed interest in plastic surgery before – if Shea actually wanted to get a facelift, she would need to book two doctors! Speaking of many faces, we have the clever makeup artist Nina! I feel the need to call in a bomb threat everytime I see Nina Bo’nina Osama Bin Laden Brown. I don’t know if it’s because of her name or her performance during last week’s challenge.
Farrah Moan, last week it was so inspiring to see a video from the one person who’s helped shape your career to what it is today. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Tom from Myspace! Since we’re on the topic of outdated, here’s Peppermint! They call you a legend in New York City and that’s pretty accurate. Your talent is definitely an urban legend.
Alexis Michelle’s entire performance this week was extraterrestrial. Her skin looks like an alien and her hair looks like a crop circle. Now from balding to bald – we have Sasha Velour! Sasha always talk about being smart, being a Fulbright scholar. It’s not secret that Sasha reminds me of my college textbooks; not worth the price.
I love Trinity Taylor. There, I said it. After winning another challenge, I can safely say that Trinity is a triple threat – she can dance, she can act, she can tuck. Trinity is honestly the total package.
But what really tickles my fancy about Trinity is that she is the epitome of a pageant girl. She always has her eye on the crown – even if there’s a bomb in it. Pageant queens have been known to play mind games and Trinity is no different. Survivor fans are sure to get a kick out this one:
You see, on the fifth season, there was a girl named Heidi Strobel. She has it all – brains, brawn, beauty, backrolls.
The only issue with Heidi is that no one had a higher view of herself than she did. She was the Shannel of Survivor – but instead of 39 character illusions, it’s 39 days of the game.
Anyway, during the Jury questioning of the finalists, Heidi gives a very…interesting question. She wants them to say she’s the best player of the season, they know she wants them to say she’s the best player of the season, but that’s not what happens. And not being appreciated really…ahem…deflates Heidi.
So now back to Trinity Taylor. During this week’s Untucked, the girls brought up the issue of competition. Trinity proudly states that she sees two girls as threats – one of whom is sitting right next to her, and Shea.
As soon as those words come out of Trinity’s mouth, Valentina’s ears perk up. Like a bloodhound with the scent of stoning tights blood, Valentina is ready to accept herself as one of the biggest threats in this competition.
Now this is where Trinity’s pageant expertise comes in. This is why there’s such an astigmatism with pageant queens – they love to play with your mind. Trinity was probably gonna say Valentina, but she knows that Valentina wants to hear her name, so she says Alexis instead.
And then Valentina Strobel deflates. Because she thinks that she’s beautiful, she’s perfect, she’s a model. So when Trinity doesn’t acknowledge it…Valentina is shook.This is how you do it, ladies; this is how you detonate a (blonde) bombshell – take notes Sasha Belle!
When Farrah started crying and revealed that she had a secret, I was half expecting her to talk about her life on Myspace. Long before she was doing drag – Farrah was serving catfish!
But no, her mom comes on the Untucked television with a message of encouragement for Farrah. It’s all very sweet and touching – so that’s not where the comedy lies. In fact, Farrah is such a sweet kid that I’m surprised that not even she is safe from the shady editors.
You see, Farrah talks about her mom is an inspiration and she is the figure whose influenced her drag. But then this happens –
Way to ruin a moment, editors! Looks like RuPaul isn’t the only emotionless part of this crew.
A lot of people have been complaining that this is RuPaul’s Best Friend Race but they neglect to mention that I have better shit on my hanger there is a feud brewing. Alexis Michelle vs. A Pleasing Aesthetic has been a war waging since 1993 – it all started when Alexis got read by the nurses for the length of her umbilical cord. Even Adore Delano’s garments hit the floor once in awhile!
So, this episodes starts with Alexis cheering for the return of Beverly Hills, 90210 star Tori Spelling. And just like Donna Martin, Alexis makes a series of bad decisions. Shes goes around the workroom and starts giving out some of her infamous Alexis Michelle Fashion Tips™.
While Alexis giving people bad advice is ironically funny, I do wonder if she is actually being strategic or not. Is Alexis luring the girls into a false sense of security and then sabotaging them by pressing their insecurities, or does she just like ugly clothes?
Nevertheless, I wonder just how influential Alexis Michelle truly is. She’s probably been in the girls’ ears for years!
Just like money is the root of all evil, Alexis is the root of all tragedy.
I appreciate the dedication to the character, but Peppermint needs to stop walking down the runway in light pink hues. If everyone thought the way she does – last season would have had a final three of Fierce, Stunning, and Yellow.
Even though Peppermint literally gunned down her competition this episode, everyone is talking about another Pepp moment from the hour.
Where is Alexis Michelle when you need her?! Friends don’t let trans friends go on public television with ramen noodle hair. Perhaps Nina’s inner saboteur has transferred over to Peppermint and forced her to buy a noodle wig from the Good Morning Bitches segment.
Well, now that we’re at the halfway point of the competition, I’ll admit that Peppermint has certainly been impressing me and I’m glad that she won the lipsync. What can I say – she left me hungry for more.
There’s just something about Madonna that urges people to copy. Even though this runway was supposed to redeem the Madonna challenge that was an “epic fail” last season, these 10 new girls barely impressed. Despite the four repeats, a lot of the ideas felt used and overdone.
If it weren’t for Valentina stripping down, almost every outfit would have felt reductive to Madge’s style. It’s a shame that none of the judges asked if Valentina felt fully dressed with a smile – I guess they wanted to avoid another Aja outburst.
Maybe next season we’ll have Night of 1000 Madonnas: Return of the Jedi and every queen will strut down the runway in her favorite Madonna fencing costume. Raja will probably have a heart attack – time to get that crown Manila!