Hocus Pocus (1993).
Hocus Pocus (1993).
5. Lord & Trinity Taylor (Season 9 Episode 6)
Who’s that girl? Oh, it’s just Madonna!
Even though her edit was a little invisible this episode, we have to give it up for Trinity Taylor. Between her ‘edges’ lesson and her Amanda Lepore Snatch Game, Trinity will probably end this season with none of her original body parts intact.
What I love about Trinity is that she is authentic – she is a bitch but she backs it up with talent. It’s rough being the one who “doesn’t beat around the bush” but, given her attitude toward pubic hair, Trinity is the right girl for the job.
B.T.W. it doesn’t seem wise to introduce the Eureka in Memoriam chair the same episode where her archnemesis will be bored in the lounge all day.
This must be the true reason that Alyssa Edwards lost her crown – sitting on a chair with Coco’s face on it is too evil even for a reigning pageant queen. I personally would love to see a backstage image of Valentina getting into character by planting her ass on stools with Miss Philippines’’ headshot. Talk about mind games!
1. Sturdy Dancing (Season 9 Episode 5)
Remember the time when I said this week’s episode was full of sadistic moments? Remember the time when I said that RuPaul doesn’t have emotions? Remember the time when we fell in love?
As Meghan Trainor famously predicted – Eureka was eliminated but given an open invitation to return for season 10. Being the show’s first medical evacuation, Eureka’s abrupt exit came as a large shock to everyone. It’s no surprise that as she left on her crutches, everyone on set began applauding. Before this starts sounding like a Robbie Turner story ?, let’s get to where the funny begins.
You see, RuPaul is a little insensitive. In her old age, she’s forgotten how to use a gentle touch (but enough about her makeup…)
So here we are – Eureka has hobbled off stage, the queens are crying, Valentina is thinking about making this a Mujer plotline. So how does Mother Ru decide to handle this very fragile emotional moment?
It’s pretty sadistic but I don’t care. Watching drag queens try to dance with tears in their eyes as Ru lifelessly checks the song’s position on the iTunes chart is just too funny to look over.
2. Inner Sat-boteur (Season 9 Episode 5)
I propose that this episode be known as The Great Kuku Kalamity. Between her Kim K. and her eulogy to this chair, Cynthia Lee Fontaine’s ass has gotten so much action that I might mistake it for one of the bottoms on Fire Island.
Leave it to Cynthia to deliver a funeral service backstage – it would sense for her to do it after the murder on the main stage but to each her own. I would have expected her to wear black for this burial but that involves Cynthia actually making a decent fashion choice…
As for the chair eulogy itself, most of my condolences go to Eureka. Production might be paying for her knee surgeries, but furniture is where they draw the line! At least it wasn’t the most iconic member of the backstage crew:
Nevertheless, Eureka might have to sell RuPaul chocolate bars in order to raise fund for all of her expenses. Actually now that I think about it, drag queens and girl scouts aren’t all that different – a handkerchief is the most important accessory to both of their outfits!
4. D.O.A. M.T.A. (Season 9 Episode 5)
It’s pretty fortunate that Alexis Michelle knows the New York crimestopper mantra because plenty of girls bombed the challenge this week.
What makes this scene so funny, like many others this week, is Alexis’ brazen approach. She calls all the girls to the main hub and announces that she has something to say :
RuPaul’s Best Friend Race has fucked up drag she expected someone to critique her fashion choices after helping out the other girls.
While Alexis is going on her tirade, she cites that it is the other queens’ responsibility to save her from being read. Alexis moans that her dress might keep her from winning…and then the camera pans to Farrah.
The Long-Suffering Farrah Moan
You see, Farrah has much bigger problems. Alexis is complaining about not winning and Farrah wants to possibly save herself from elimination. Alexis is throwing a hissy fit about her maid and Farrah is trying to not get evicted. Alexis wants to be Linda Evangelista and have a beautiful smile while Farrah is just happy to be there.
But then the worst part happens. While Alexis is crying about her mansion being too dusty, Farrah says that she would like to leave. And then Alexis says “I’m not done.” Farrah is a much bigger person than I – if Alexis prevented me from practicing my lipsync song, I would quickly turn my head and blind her with my highlighter.
Luckily this story does have a good ending. Eureka raises her hand to speak (talk about character developement!) and Farrah sprints out of there (probably to tell her best friend that she’s pregnant with her brother’s child).
This was always my favorite scene in Bambi…