3. If It Is Green, I’m Not Interested (Season 9 Episode 8)I guess Alexis Michelle had a point so…

3. If It Is Green, I’m Not Interested (Season 9 Episode 8)

I guess Alexis Michelle had a point so many weeks ago. She helped out every single girl with her fashions and yet this happens to her?

No good deed goes unpunished! When Elphaba emotionally cast a spell t become detached, she didn’t expect it to be this literal.

I understand that Alexis painted her skin green because it’s Michelle’s least favorite color, but it’s a pretty long way to go for a punchline. The last time someone was this dedicated to a joke, he got elected president.

Normally I wouldn’t make fun of Alexis Michelle’s body (teeth and occupations are apparently fair game though) but this is ridiculous not to mention. It looks like she went to the catering table and sliced a kiwi in half. Actually, scratch that – even New Zealanders don’t want to be associated with look.

On the bright side, at least Alexis found one good use of her witch hat.

When You’re A Hoe At A Halloween Party

-4 Funniest Moments From RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 9 Episode 8

4. Reading Rainbow (Season 9 Episode 8)In the grand tradition of Paris Is Burning, the library is…

4. Reading Rainbow (Season 9 Episode 8)

In the grand tradition of Paris Is Burning, the library is open! And in another grand tradition of Paris Is Burning, the stage is full of butch queens first time in drags at a ball.

Let’s start this roast off easy. No, really – Trinity Taylor is easy. The great thing about Trinity is that you can literally read her – each body part has a stamp that says “Made In Taiwan.” Speaking of foreign material – we have Valentina! She’s beautiful, she’s funny, she’s proud of her Mexican heritage. I actually bad for the queen who eliminates her. You need to get a Visa to fuck her!

It’s unfortunate that Shea has been getting this fan reaction recently. It’ll be even worse if it’s true! She expressed interest in plastic surgery before – if Shea actually wanted to get a facelift, she would need to book two doctors! Speaking of many faces, we have the clever makeup artist Nina! I feel the need to call in a bomb threat everytime I see Nina Bo’nina Osama Bin Laden Brown. I don’t know if it’s because of her name or her performance during last week’s challenge.

Farrah Moan, last week it was so inspiring to see a video from the one person who’s helped shape your career to what it is today. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Tom from Myspace! Since we’re on the topic of outdated, here’s Peppermint! They call you a legend in New York City and that’s pretty accurate. Your talent is definitely an urban legend.

Alexis Michelle’s entire performance this week was extraterrestrial. Her skin looks like an alien and her hair looks like a crop circle. Now from balding to bald – we have Sasha Velour! Sasha always talk about being smart, being a Fulbright scholar. It’s not secret that Sasha reminds me of my college textbooks; not worth the price.

-4 Funniest Moments From RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 9 Episode 8

3. Alexisander The Great (Season 9 Episode 7)Another day,…

3. Alexisander The Great (Season 9 Episode 7)

Another day, another dollar (store dress).

A lot of people have been complaining that this is RuPaul’s Best Friend Race but they neglect to mention that I have better shit on my hanger there is a feud brewing. Alexis Michelle vs. A Pleasing Aesthetic has been a war waging since 1993 – it all started when Alexis got read by the nurses for the length of her umbilical cord. Even Adore Delano’s garments hit the floor once in awhile!

So, this episodes starts with Alexis cheering for the return of Beverly Hills, 90210 star Tori Spelling. And just like Donna Martin, Alexis makes a series of bad decisions. Shes goes around the workroom and starts giving out some of her infamous Alexis Michelle Fashion Tips™.

While Alexis giving people bad advice is ironically funny, I do wonder if she is actually being strategic or not. Is Alexis luring the girls into a false sense of security and then sabotaging them by pressing their insecurities, or does she just like ugly clothes?

Nevertheless, I wonder just how influential Alexis Michelle truly is. She’s probably been in the girls’ ears for years!

Just like money is the root of all evil, Alexis is the root of all tragedy.

-4 Funniest Moments From RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 9 Episode 7

4. D.O.A. M.T.A. (Season 9 Episode 5)It’s pretty fortunate that…

4. D.O.A. M.T.A. (Season 9 Episode 5)

It’s pretty fortunate that Alexis Michelle knows the New York crimestopper mantra because plenty of girls bombed the challenge this week.

What makes this scene so funny, like many others this week, is Alexis’ brazen approach. She calls all the girls to the main hub and announces that she has something to say : RuPaul’s Best Friend Race has fucked up drag she expected someone to critique her fashion choices after helping out the other girls.

While Alexis is going on her tirade, she cites that it is the other queens’ responsibility to save her from being read. Alexis moans that her dress might keep her from winning…and then the camera pans to Farrah.

The Long-Suffering Farrah Moan

You see, Farrah has much bigger problems. Alexis is complaining about not winning and Farrah wants to possibly save herself from elimination. Alexis is throwing a hissy fit about her maid and Farrah is trying to not get evicted. Alexis wants to be Linda Evangelista and have a beautiful smile while Farrah is just happy to be there.

But then the worst part happens. While Alexis is crying about her mansion being too dusty, Farrah says that she would like to leave. And then Alexis says “I’m not done.” Farrah is a much bigger person than I – if Alexis prevented me from practicing my lipsync song, I would quickly turn my head and blind her with my highlighter.

Luckily this story does have a good ending. Eureka raises her hand to speak (talk about character developement!) and Farrah sprints out of there (probably to tell her best friend that she’s pregnant with her brother’s child).

This was always my favorite scene in Bambi…

-5 Funniest Moments From RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 9 Episode 5