1. How’s Your Head Game? (Season 9 Episode 7)I love Trinity…

1. How’s Your Head Game? (Season 9 Episode 7)

I love Trinity Taylor. There, I said it. After winning another challenge, I can safely say that Trinity is a triple threat – she can dance, she can act, she can tuck. Trinity is honestly the total package.

But what really tickles my fancy about Trinity is that she is the epitome of a pageant girl. She always has her eye on the crown – even if there’s a bomb in it. Pageant queens have been known to play mind games and Trinity is no different. Survivor fans are sure to get a kick out this one:

You see, on the fifth season, there was a girl named Heidi Strobel. She has it all – brains, brawn, beauty, backrolls.

Certified Genius

The only issue with Heidi is that no one had a higher view of herself than she did. She was the Shannel of Survivor – but instead of 39 character illusions, it’s 39 days of the game.

Anyway, during the Jury questioning of the finalists, Heidi gives a very…interesting question. She wants them to say she’s the best player of the season, they know she wants them to say she’s the best player of the season, but that’s not what happens. And not being appreciated really…ahem…deflates Heidi.

So now back to Trinity Taylor. During this week’s Untucked, the girls brought up the issue of competition. Trinity proudly states that she sees two girls as threats – one of whom is sitting right next to her, and Shea.

As soon as those words come out of Trinity’s mouth, Valentina’s ears perk up. Like a bloodhound with the scent of stoning tights blood, Valentina is ready to accept herself as one of the biggest threats in this competition.

Now this is where Trinity’s pageant expertise comes in. This is why there’s such an astigmatism with pageant queens – they love to play with your mind. Trinity was probably gonna say Valentina, but she knows that Valentina wants to hear her name, so she says Alexis instead.

And then Valentina Strobel deflates. Because she thinks that she’s beautiful, she’s perfect, she’s a model. So when Trinity doesn’t acknowledge it…Valentina is shook.This is how you do it, ladies; this is how you detonate a (blonde) bombshell – take notes Sasha Belle!

-4 Funniest Moments From RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 9 Episode 7

2. Rebel Hearts (Season 9 Episode 6)There’s just something about…

2. Rebel Hearts (Season 9 Episode 6)

There’s just something about Madonna that urges people to copy. Even though this runway was supposed to redeem the Madonna challenge that was an “epic fail” last season, these 10 new girls barely impressed. Despite the four repeats, a lot of the ideas felt used and overdone.

If it weren’t for Valentina stripping down, almost every outfit would have felt reductive to Madge’s style. It’s a shame that none of the judges asked if Valentina felt fully dressed with a smile – I guess they wanted to avoid another Aja outburst.

Maybe next season we’ll have Night of 1000 Madonnas: Return of the Jedi and every queen will strut down the runway in her favorite Madonna fencing costume. Raja will probably have a heart attack – time to get that crown Manila!

-5 Funniest Moments From RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 9 Episode 6

3. I Read Storybooks (Season 9 Episode 3)As interesting as this week’s challenge was, I do wonder…

3. I Read Storybooks (Season 9 Episode 3)

As interesting as this week’s challenge was, I do wonder how these queens would have reinvented classic fairy tales. I can just imagine Farrah Moan sitting in Ariel’s grotto crying about only having twenty ostrich feathers. Perhaps Alexis Michelle takes an Aladdin-esque approach and goes to the market to steal some cameratime? Regardless of the situation, I’m sure these queens can breathe new life into these classic tales.

Mirror, mirror, on the wall. Who’s the smartest of them all?

If Sasha Velour had her way, this book would be entitled “Snow White and the Seven Advisors.” There’s nothing wrong with taking pride in your intellect, but there doesn’t seem to be much humor in Sasha. Dickpigs can also like dictionaries, girl!

If her country was gonna be led by a princess in a nude shoe, Michelle Visage would probably apply for political asylum. It should come to the surprise of no one that Valentina’s foot fits perfectly in the heel. Heck, it probably complimented her smile while she was checking the size.

I can’t wait until the clock strikes midnight and that carriage reverts back into Coco Montrese! Poor Farrah spent all day slaving away at her outfit and her stepsisters tore it apart. What awful people – there’s Michelle (the mean one), RuPaul (the shady one), and Todrick (the adopted one). Even if all three of them hate her though, Farrah stays strong and remembers the wise words of her fairy godmother: “this is not America’s Next Top Sweatshop.”

Take a bite out of this peach!

It’s unfortunate that the fruit in this story is meant to poison and cause sleep because that’s the antithesis of Nina Bo’Nina Brown’s personality. Still, it is suspect that she hasn’t gotten any confessionals these last two episodes – perhaps she bit herself during Week 1 and is sleepwalking through the competition. Hurry – somebody wake Nina up before she makes it to the Top 3!

Just like the movie, Eureka’s prized possession was on screen for about two minutes. Evidenced by the way she screamed when Lisa entered the workroom, Eureka shares a bond with the woman that must be (valerie) cherished.

Fun Fact: the scene where Charlie tells her to shut up was actually largely edited – Eureka had actually spent the last hour listing off the entire cast and crew of FRIENDS.

With all of those alternate fairy tales in tow, I am pretty happy about this challenge. I am still concerned about one thing though – someone check on Vivienne Pinay! All this princess talk must be hazardous to her health.

-6 Funniest Moments From RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 9 Episode 3